My Boss

This is a character profile on the Country's Most Awkward Boss (I say country and not world because I bet Kim Jong-Un would be an awkward boss and I would also guess there are some pretty awkward bosses in Japan. I bet Asian bosses in general are pretty awkward. Perhaps this could be Western Hemisphere's Most Awkward Boss?).

Physical Description:
   Height- 6'3
   Weight- 255.4 lbs (I know this because he partakes in the office's Biggest Loser competition and posts his current weight and weight goals on the door of his office. He has lost 14 lbs since January and gained my admiration for the first time in 15 months)
   Eyes- Bulgy. Penetrating. Stare-y. Blank. Bulgy.

General Business Day Schedule:
   Arrives- 10:30
   Leaves for Lunch- 12:10
   Returns from Lunch- 1:25
   Leaves for the Day- 4:05

Preferred Schedule:
   Scheduled Dental Appointment in the Morning (i.e. Day Off)
   Golf

Likes:
    Turkey sandwiches
    His pug
    Making people feel uncomfortable
    Villanova
    White board visual aids
    Clapping

Dislikes:
    Doing work
    Stapling things
    Opening mail
    Back flips (this is just a guess)

Awkward Tactics:
   Not Speaking When Spoken To
       Ex: "Heyyyy Anika. How's it going?"
             "Oh you know, just another Tuesday..."
             Silence. Staring with bulging, blank eyes.
             "Heh, just getting my coffee! What would I do without it, right?"
             Bulgy eyes.
              "What do you think of this coffee anyway? I'm not a big fan. People really love Keurig's, you know? But there's just something about the way the coffee tastes that isn't right. Sometimes I'd just prefer a nicely brewed pot, like the good ol' days. Anyway, there's always Starbucks!"
              More silence. (Just wait until he speaks, Anika. He's trying to get to you. MAINTAIN YOUR POSITION. Those eyes, they're so bulgy. They're staring into my soul, yet they're so.... blank. He knows my secrets. Did I put on deodorant this morning? HOLY COW JUST SAY SOMETHING AND RETREAT!)
             "Welp, back to the grindstone for me then, I guess..."
             "Alright. See ya, Anika."
 
   Asking What My Dad Thinks
        Ex: My Annual Review
             "So, that's why I think a team building workshop, preferably a ropes course, would be beneficial to our group."
             "Ok, great. Thanks, Anika... Do you ever talk to your dad about our company? What does he think?"
             "Um...... no?"
             Bulgy-eyed silence.
             "I mean, I talk to him occasionally about work, but not anything too specific."
             "Does he think we should have a team building workshop? Have you talked to him about it?"
             "What? I don't know. I've never asked him."
             Blank stare.
             "I'm not sure if he ever did workshops at his company. I suppose he did? Probably not a ropes course... I'm really not sure."
             Silence.
             "No....... I'm not sure what you....... No. No? No........ I'm sorry?"
             "...Alright. Next, what are your objectives for this year?"

I'll end with a quote I just heard from my co-worker as she passed by my office:
4:45 PM on a Wednesday: "Why are there so many people here? It's 5:00!"